I want to write down the thoughts that pop up as soon as I
allow myself to be free from everyday worries ... and then the welter of questions and insecurities
furiously invade and catch me off guard. I feel like a stranger inside my own body, I'm not the person I
believed I was, I'm a formless void of depth and perception, I search for an end but I can't even find a
A huge hole of darkness and light ... which starts from nowhere and reaches
nothingness, all my troubles are temporary excuses and my wishes are deceptions of the mind.
Nevertheless, for the largest part of my life I lived with tension and great passions, being certain of
the importance of whatever I set as a goal.
How does one come to leave behind what he had considered to be his whole life just a
few years before? How many tempests does it take for you to arrive at the point of clearing up
situations and needs which you had thought were supreme and everlasting ... how much effort, how much
pain, how much anguish in order to see an otherwise simple fact as an illusion ... how many lives in
order to become able to locate the illusion of the "great", of the "important" ...
You know, honey, my life has taken an abstract form ... I think I have pinpointed it
lately. In fact, lately, in general, I conceive notions in a different way. Whenever I think of a
problem, I rarely consider it mine. I observe everything as if they were temporary situations and catch
myself being calm, almost unemotional, participating from a distance. Surely, deep inside, we know that
this is how things are, but my attitude still startles me ...